Six Guiding Principles to Help Parents Whose Children Participate in Sports
By Jennifer Naparstek Klein, Psy.D., The Counseling Center
Sept. 4, 2024: Parents watching their own children participate in sports often feel some mixture of anxious, elated, and furious, depending on the circumstances.
Take a look at the 2012 video of Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman’s parents watching their daughter perform her floor routine. You can find it on YouTube under “Crazy Olympic Parents.” One can relate to these squirming, anxious parents! If you have had a child compete in sports, you have likely had the powerful desire for them to, well, win. You’ve shared their elation and their crushing hurt; it can be a wild ride.
Here are six guiding principles to help you survive the bumps with your own mental wellbeing, and that of your child, intact.
Understand Your Feelings as a Parent
*You’re hard wired to protect your child from physical and emotional harm.
*It’s natural to get caught up emotionally in your child’s successes and failures.
*Become aware of your parenting style: some parents are more comfortable with an “it takes a village” approach to raising their child; others dislike interference and take offense when their child is criticized.
Trust Coaches and Trainers To Do Their Job—But Remain Aware
*In allowing your child to join a sports team, you are conceding some authority to a coach or trainer (even though that person might be a parent volunteer) who has specialized knowledge you want your child to absorb. As a general principle, let coaches do their jobs.
*Allow your child to develop a desire to please their coach and succeed.
*Get to know the coach’s style—some combine praise with criticism; others are more sparing with their praise and harsh with their criticism. Learn to recognize what is usual for the coach.
Assess the Coach’s Behavior and Your Child’s Response
*When the coach gives negative feedback, assess whether it stays within appropriate bounds or becomes too aggressive and potentially damaging. As expectations for performance—and the stakes—rise, coaching can become more aggressive. Be aware.
*To protect your child’s mental wellbeing, you must draw a red line—rejecting hateful or profane criticism; physical or sexual abuse; physically harmful strategies that could result in injury, nutritional loss, growth issues, or eating disorders; and all performance enhancement medications. More likely, you’ll need to determine the impact of statements such as “You don’t have the drive for this,” or “You are the weak link on the team.”
*Consider whether your child absorbs criticism and is hurt by it or can let criticism slide off more easily.
*Keep open communication with your child to determine how they’re being impacted by their experience and to pick up clues to whether a coach is crossing a red line.
Keep Your Feelings Off the Field of Play
*It can be difficult, but parents should always stay cool, positive, and supportive. Coaches universally want parents out of the emotional mix, and child athletes must find their own way to deal with the highs and lows of competition.
*Modeling good sportsmanship is strongly advised. Clap and cheer for other people’s children. Demonstrate perspective and humility. Show an appreciation for the sport.
*Participation in a sport is not always a gateway for your child to professional or even college level competition, but it is a gateway to understanding fair play, team mentality, personal fortitude, decorum, and a myriad of other positive character traits. It is a template on how to win and lose well. As a parent, you can help your child act in ways that reflect these qualities.
Support Your Child Who is “Being Benched” or is “Not Starting”
*Consider the age and performance level of the child, as well as the goals of the league or team. For younger children, where the level of seriousness is low, coaches and parents should give every child a chance to participate so they gain a positive experience of athletic play, team membership, and personal accomplishment and improvement. If that isn’t happening, polite advocacy is permissible. By late teens, on teams the child has tried out for, the coach is charged with creating a successful team. Parents are discouraged from advocating for their child; the coach must determine who plays and when.
A parent can help the older benched teen interpret the situation, perhaps explaining that the coach appreciates the depth of talent they bring, but that decisions must be based on the goal of winning. If the child is truly unhappy, it’s best for the child to speak with the coach; this can be a good opportunity for the child to learn to voice their perspective and wishes. The desired outcome may not be achieved, but the child will learn to act on their own behalf.
Keep Goals in Perspective
*The primary goal of the child athlete is participation, exercise, social interaction; success is secondary.
*To determine the best team for your child, discuss the choices with them: do they prefer to be a big fish in a small pond, where success is more likely; or are they serious enough to seek out the most challenging, competitive opportunity?
*Guidance from coaches can also help parents and their child make the best choice.
*A child who struggles with disappointment early on might, over time, become better able to handle the stresses of competition, requiring new priorities when choosing a team.
With this guidance in mind, it’s possible to navigate the wild emotional ride of parenting a child in sports. It’s a simple truth that parents identify with their child’s successes and failures. Yet they can find joy in developing a spectator mentality, watching in amazement as their child matures into their own version of a champion.
The Counseling Center in Bronxville, a nonprofit organization, offers therapy for individuals, couples, and families, through video platforms, telephonically, and in person. Please feel free to reach out if we can help, by calling Dr. Jennifer Klein, 914 793 3388.
To keep abreast of ongoing information and activities at The Counseling Center, or to make a donation, please visit our website at https://counselingcenter.org/.
Sports Directory
Ballet Muscle
Ballet Muscle offer professional ballet lessons and ballet classes for children (including a class for boys) and adults. Owner Peter Cirolia danced alongside the famed New York City Ballet in productions choreographed by the immortal George Balanchine and studied under world renowned dancers like Mikhail Barishnakov, Peter Boal, Jack Soto and Elliot Feld. This experience and training provides Peter with an incredible ability to teach dance skills and bring the joy of dancing to all his students.
10 South Division Street
New Rochelle, New York
914-365-1862
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Ballet Arts-The Performing Arts Center of Southern Westchester
Established in 1977, Ballet Arts-The Performing Arts Center of Southern Westchester offers a complete program of Performing Arts education for all ages. 28 teachers conduct over 60 classes per week including Ballet with piano accompaniment, Jazz, Ballroom, Tap, Irish Step, Lyrical Dance and Hip-Hop.
New Classes: Creative Movement and Story Time Dance for 2 and 3 year old boys and girls taught by Selena Colburn, "Selena Ballerina".
Have a look; http://www.ballet-arts.net/PreBallet.html
Fitness classes include Zumba, Pilates & personal training. Classes are available for students ages 2 to Adult in every skill level. Private Dance, Voice & Instrument Lessons at our studio or in your home are available by appointment. Seasonal and Summer Performing Arts Camps. Themed Birthday Parties-Children and parents enjoy play dance and music with our staff-you have fun and we'll clean up.
Centre Stage is our on site Dance, Gymnastics, Ice Skating and Fitness Apparel and Accessories Boutique. Specialty Dance footwear, Unique Costumes, Gifts and Collectables.
Sheran Daniele, Founder & Artistic Director.
504 Fifth Avenue, Pelham
914 738 8300
www.ballet-arts.net
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Scarsdale Ballet Studio
The Scarsdale Ballet Studio “offers classical ballet training” to students of all levels ages three and up. Students who are enrolled in ballet classes may also study Pointe, Variations, Jazz, Lyrical Dance and Contemporary Ballet (a fusion of classical ballet, jazz and modern dance)
Artistic Director: Diana White
696R White Plains Road
Scarsdale, NY 10583 (Near Lord and Taylor in the Vernon Hills Shopping Center)
914.725.8754
www.scarsdaleballetstudio.com
Tuckahoe Youth Association
The Tuckahoe Youth Association (“TYA”) is a chartered Babe Ruth baseball and softball program that goes from T-ball to the Majors. The program is for resident boys ages 5 to 12 and resident girls ages 5 to 16. Play begins in mid-April and runs through June. Games are played at Labriola Field weekday evening and on Saturdays
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
203-400-2074
http://tuckahoe.baberuthonline.com
Eastchester Little League
914-722-6246
http://www.eastchester.org/departments/recreation/faq
Eastchester Instructional Basketball League (EIBL)
The Eastchester Instructional Basketball League is an instructional league that “emphasizes learning and fun.” The league is for boys and girls in grades 4-8.
Eastchester Recreation Department
40 Mill Road
Eastchester, New York 10709
914-771-3311
www.eastchester.org/departments/recreation
Ballet Muscle
Ballet Muscle offer personal training and fitness classes. Owner Peter Cirolia brings to the health- fitness profession, experience and enthusiasm rarely seen in a fitness professional and ballet master. Peter’s experience as a ballet dancer alongside the famed New York City Ballet helped develop an appreciation and intimate understanding of body mechanics, nutrition and peak achievement techniques which set him apart from his competitors as a fitness training pro. Through his consulting, teaching and unique individual instruction, Peter Cirolia has helped individuals from all walks of life ranging from beginner to elite athlete achieve their individual health, nutritional and wellness goals. Personal training sessions can be conducted in the privacy of your home or at Peter's private training studio.
10 South Division Street
New Rochelle, New York
914-365-1862
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Bodyfit
858 Scarsdale Avenue
Scarsdale, New York 10583
914-725-9400
www.bodyfitstudio.com
Curves
16 Columbus Avenue
Tuckahoe, New York 10707
914-771-7680
www.curvesoftuckahoe.com
Equinox Fitness
500 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, New York
914-472-9000
website
I Train With Juan
I Train With Juan offers personal fitness training, zumba and group fitness classes. Our mission is to equip our fitness training clients with exciting exercise classes and workouts that exceed their own goals! Whether you want to lose weight and body fat, or you’ve found you’re starting to plateau in your own workout regimen, you’ll want to join us today.
76 Main Street
Tuckahoe, New York 10707
914-821-6782
www.itrainwithjuan.com
Phoenix Fitness Club
135 Marbledale Road
Tuckahoe, New York 10707
914-961-6900
www.phoenixfit.com
Smart Moves Pilates
SmartMoves Pilates offers private sessions and duets in the pilates equipment. Improve your posture, strengthen your core and stretch. Experience the benefits of this wonderful technique! Certified instructors. Parking available in front of the building. By appointment only.
85 Pondfield Rd
Bronxville NY 10708.
917-862-5227
www.smartmoves-pilates.net
Yoga Haven
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62 Main Street, 2nd Floor
Tuckahoe, New York 10707
914-337-1437
www.yogahaven.com
Eastchester Blue Devils (Pop Warner) Football
The Eastchester Blue Devils Football is an organized youth football and cheerleader program for boys and girls ages 6 to 14. The season is from August through November.
Lake Isle
Lake Isle is an Eastchester Town-owned facility that is open to all residents and a limited number of non residents. Town residents are defined as those people whose “permanent and primary domicile is located within Eastchester, Bronxville, or Tuckahoe. “ Along with five swimming pools and eight Har-Tru tennis courts, they have a par 70, 18-hole championship golf course. Fees for non-residents are higher than for residents.
660 White Plains Road
Eastchester, New York 10709
914-961-3453
www.lakeislecountryclub.com/golf.html
Saxon Woods Golf Course
The Saxon Woods golf course was designed by Tom Winton and opened to the public in 1931. Today, all 18 tees have been renovated, along with several greens. There is also a new restaurant and concession at the course. It is a public course
http://www.westchestergov.com/parks/Golf/SaxonWoods.htm
314 Old Mamaroneck Road
Scarsdale, New York 10583
914-231-3461
Sprain Lake Golf Course
Sprain Lake Golf Course was also designed by Tom Winton. It is characterized by “small greens, rolling terrain and a number of highly challenging holes, with an abundance of water hazards and difficult shots.” All 18 tees have been renovated and expanded and the 10th and 13th greens have been upgraded. It is a public course.
http://www.westchestergov.com/parks/Golf/SprainLake.htm
East Grassy Sprain Road
Yonkers, New York
914-231-3481
Siwanoy Country Club
Siwanoy is a private country club in Bronxville that offers swimming, tennis, paddle tennis, dining and golf.
Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-3840
GymCats Gymnastics
Gymcats is an 8700 sq. foot fully equipped facility that has been serving Westchester for over 30 years. They offer beginner through advanced gymnastics instruction for girls & boys ages 18 months & up. They also offer birthday parties, private lessons and summer camp. Their friendly and energetic staff is always focused on SAFETY, FITNESS & FUN. "Our goal at GymCats Gymnastics is to build a physical and mental foundation for all sports and to promote athleticism and good health through participation in gymnastics."
GymCats Gymnastics
One Odell plaza, Yonkers, 10701
Exit 9 off the Saw Mill River Pkwy.
914-965-7676
www.gymcats.net
Spotlight Gymnastics
Spotlight Gymnastics was founded in 1986 “to provide gymnastics training for children of all ages and abilities.” They offer classes from September through June divided into fall, winter, and spring Sessions. They also offer summer camp in conjunction with Bronxville Recreation Council. Their philosophy “is to teach gymnastics and fitness in a fun, safe environment and to raise the student's self-esteem.”
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901 Pelhamdale Avenue
Pelham Manor, New York 10803
914-738-7305
www.spotlightgym.com
Sage Hill Farm
Sage Hill Farm is a full-service boarding and training facility specializing in hunters, equitation and ponies. We offer expert training for horses and riders, attentive horse care and uncrowded riding rings. We emphasize safety and enjoyment in a pleasant, supportive environment where everyone is encouraged to progress toward their riding goals.
Sage Hill Farm welcomes riders of all ages and abilities. Our adults, juniors and young riders successfully compete on the A and AA-rated show circuit as well as at local rated one-day shows. Sage Hill also offers a lesson program on experienced, willing and safe school horses and ponies. Situated on 30 beautiful acres in Yorktown Heights, the farm is easily accessible to Bronxville. For more information, please contact Stephanie Demmon at 203-981-9781.
1300 Baptist Church Rd
Yorktown Heights, NY 10598
203-981-9781
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Twin Lake Farm
960B California Road
Eastchester, New York
914-961-2192
Westchester Skating Academy
The Westchester Skating Academy was built in 1996 and has become “the premiere skating facility in the Westchester County area.” It offers all levels of instruction and competition in skating and the sport of ice hockey including youth and adult leagues and instruction.
Bronxville Youth Lacrosse Association
The Bronxville Youth Lacrosse Association (BYLA) is a parent-run and coached lacrosse league. Most programs are open enrollment and no experience is necessary. However, some travel teams may limit roster size based on tryouts.
Hong IK Martial Arts
Hong Ik Martial Arts, founded over 20 years ago by 7th Degree Black Belt Grand Master Yoo, is renowned for its commitment to authentic traditional martial arts, with an emphasis in Taekwondo, Hapkido, Judo and TaiChi-Kigong. HIMA encourages each student to be their best physically, mentally and spiritually. By promoting growth through harmony and balance, we guide our students to become positive role models and to contribute to the community. HIMA has five locations including a brand new school in the heart of Bronxville. Grand Master Yoo and Master Seungmin Oh (5th Degree Black Belt) welcome you and your family to come visit and share your energy.
45 Kraft Avenue
Bronxville, NY 10708
914-800-9007
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Tarrytown, NY – Grand Master Yoo; Masters Myung Duk, Seungmin Oh, Chun Shim
Bronxville, NY – Grand Master Yoo and Master Seungmin Oh
Fair Lawn, NJ – Master Kwang Tae Kim
New Rochelle, NY – Master Shin Min
Mahwah, NJ – Master JiSun
KI Martial Arts
World Cup Karate Champion, Sensei Vladimir Zolottev, is proud to provide you and your family with the highest caliber, quality, Competition Level Instruction in Shotokan Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Krav Maga, Kick Boxing, KI Conditioning, Self Defense & Fitness Conditioning! Specialized Kick Boxing, Fitness Conditioning, Cage Fitness and Self Defense classes are designed to motivate, energize and keep you in the best physical condition!
125a Marbledale Road, Tuckahoe
(914) 961-1111
Bronxville Village Paddle
The Village of Bronxville has four lighted Reilly paddle tennis courts which are available to residents and non-residents for a nominal permit fee for the season. Permits and all information pertaining to paddle can be found at www.bronxvillepaddle.com or by visiting Bronxville Village Hall.
Eastchester Youth Soccer League
The Eastchester Youth Soccer League is a soccer program for “town residents in Kindergarten through 9th grade.” The league is held at various town and school fields in the fall and spring.
KI Martial Arts - Westchester Krav Maga - - Offers Kick Boxing, Fitness Conditioning & Self Defense Conditioning!
World Cup Karate Champion, Sensei Vladimir Zolottev, is proud to provide you and your family with the highest caliber, quality, Competition Level Instruction in Shotokan Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Krav Maga, Kick Boxing, KI Conditioning, Self Defense & Fitness Conditioning! Specialized Kick Boxing, Fitness Conditioning, Cage Fitness and Self Defense classes are designed to motivate, energize and keep you in the best physical condition!
Designed for each individual, our professional instructors gear the classes to you and your physical conditioning needs.
You will be challenged! You will enjoy yourself! All are welcome! Novices and advanced athletes! KI Martial Arts - Westchester Krav Maga helps you achieve your goals! All classes are specialized to motivate and inspire each of KI's students.
*Children's classes are available for Children ages 3 and up.
*Teen and Adult classes are geared to enhance the mind, body and spirit.
*Family classes are a wonderful bonding experience.
*Ladies Only classes provide intensive training in a private setting.
*Special Needs Classes are dedicated to the individualized needs of the student.
All Ages & Levels are Welcome!
Please come in and visit KI Martial Arts - Westchester Krav Maga's, state of the art, self-defense, training and fitness center.
KI Martial Arts - Westchester Krav Maga also offers Private Training & Fun-Filled Birthday Parties!
Ask about KI's Current Promotions and Special Pricing! Please come in for a Free Class!
Right now they have a $99 Special! 6 Weeks for $99! A FREE Uniform and a FREE T-Shirt are Included!
125a Marbledale Road, Tuckahoe
(914) 961-1111
Sensei Vladimir Zolottev
Parisi Speed School
After 250,000 Athletes, 5,000 College Scholarships, 1,000 Teams Trained, 150 NFL Players, and 15 First Rounders, including NHL, NBA, WNBA, and MLB Professional Athletes...they know THE PROGRAM WORKS!
The NATIONALLY RENOWNED speed and performance training program has come to Westchester! From athletes 7 years old all the way to the Pros, Parisi Speed School EMPOWERS athletes to improve their athletic performance by focusing on SPEED, strength, flexibility, endurance, agility, and SELF-CONFIDENCE. If you or your team is looking to get faster, stronger, and DOMINATE any sport, Parisi Speed School will get you there!
Parisi Speed School
powered by Equalize Fitness
One Odell Plaza, Yonkers
Exit 9 off the Sawmill River Pkwy
914-751-6655 914-751-6655
www.parisischool.com
www.equalizefitness.com
Swimming
Aqua Tots
Aqua Tots believes that "learning to swim is a life skill that every child should know." It is their goal "for all children, as young as possible to be safe and competent in and around the water." They want to instill "a love to swimming to all of [their] students while teaching them to respect the water."
2900 Purchase Street
Purchase, New York 10577
914-450-0526
www.aquatots123.com
Badger Swim Club:
Badger Swim Club is the only USA Swimming Level IV Club in Westchester County. There are only 33 such clubs in the country. The USA Swimming Club Recognition Program is a voluntary program that identifies and recognizes USA Swimming clubs for their commitment to excellence in operation, performance, and the support and development of USA Swimming.
Badger Swim Club
914-834-1084
www.badgerswimclub.com
Rye YMCA
The Rye YMCA is a "family-oriented community service organization, which welcomes all people and promotes positive values through programs that build spirit, mind and body." They offer Aquatics for all ages, including Adult Swim Instruction and a Masters Swimming Program.
Rye YMCA
21 Locust Avenue
Rye, New York 10580
914-967-6363
www.Ryeymca.org
Sarah Lawrence College
Sarah Lawrence College offers community swim and fitness classes for children and adults. Available classes listed online at www.GoGryphons.com/rec . Further questions 2-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
Westchester & Fairfield Swimming & Lifeguarding
Westchester & Fairfield Swimming & Lifeguarding is a proud provider of American Red Cross Programs including Swim Camp, Lifeguard Training, CPR/AED and WSI (Water Safety Instructor). Swim Camp focuses on individual swim development and water safety for all levels and ages. Campers are instructed in small groups of similar age, skill and experience. Our staff includes seasoned American Red Cross Water Safety Instructors and Lifeguards selected not only for their expertise in teaching aquatic skills, but also their ability to provide exceptional role models for our campers. For the accomplished swimmer, WFSL makes a commitment to provide more than just job skills in the aquatics field, but to provide skills that could potentially save a life through Lifeguard Training, CPR/AED and WSI. With a commitment to "safety first, safety always!" WFSL trains students to be proficient in skill, prepared for emergency and professional in caliber."
White Plains YWCA
The White Plains YWCA offers swim classes to children of all ages. This includes Wee Splash for 6 to 18 months, Wee Splash Too for 18+ months and Wee Fish for children ages 3 to 5. There are also more class options.
515 North Street
White Plains, New York
914-949-6227
http://www.ywcawhiteplains.com/html/swim_classes.html
Competitive Swimming
Badger Swim Club
Badget Swim Club is the only USA Swimming Level IV Club in Westchester County. There are only 33 such clubs in the country. The USA Swimming Club Recognition Program is a voluntary program that identifies and recognizes USA Swimming clubs for their commitment to excellence in operation, performance, and the support and development of USA Swimming.
914-834-1084
The Gael Aquatic Club
The Gael Aquatic Club is “a competitive age group swim club located at Iona College in New Rochelle, New York” It was formed in 1984 and its swimmers have been “state finalists, Eastern United States Swimming Zone All Star selections, All County high school swimmers and many USS meet event winners.” They offer programs for children age 6 and up.
Iona College
715 North Avenue
New Rochelle, New York 10801-1890
914-633-2323
www.gaelac.com
YWCA Middies Swimming
The YWCA Middles Swim Team is a “fully sanctioned YWCA and USA Swimming program. It involves a year round commitment on the part of the swimmer including participation in meets.” They offer four levels of professional instruction and training for swimmers six years and older. Over the past 21 years, they have had swimmers “qualify and swim in the Olympics, US Olympic Trials, the Olympic Festival, USA Nationals, US Open, National Junior Championships, Regionals and Zones and have attained many Top 8 finishes.” Additionally, “the Middies have won the YWCA National Championships for the past 20 consecutive years and now hold many individual and relay records.”
YWCA Middies
White Plains YWCA
515 North Street
White Plains, New York
914-422-1585
Pyramid Squash
Pyramid Squash provides squash and fitness services for all levels and ages. The Kids Sports Academy is a squash-prep clinic for children ages 3-6 that focuses on developing basic athletic skills and racquet control. A van picks up children from schools in the surrounding area for the after-school squash program.
30 Elm Street
Tuckahoe, NY 10707
914-961-7529
The Bronxville Field Club
Established in 1926, the Bronxville Field Club is a private club with first class facilities for tennis, squash and paddle tennis and swimming. It offers a strong junior squash program.
The Bronxville Field Club
40 Locust Lane
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-664-3585
Westchester Squash
Westchester Squash in Mamaroneck, which has four international courts, has squash programs for all playing levels from the recreational player to the nationally ranked junior. The club also hosts the Westchester Open and the Westchester Junior Open. It also offers a variety of membership options.
Westchester Squash
628 Fayette Avenue
Mamaroneck, New York 10543
914-698-0095
www.westchestersquash.com
The Bronxville Field Club
Established in 1926, the Bronxville Field Club is a private club with first class facilities for tennis, squash and paddle tennis and swimming. It offers a strong junior squash program.
The Bronxville Field Club
40 Locust Lane
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-664-3585
College Racquet Club
Located in Bronxville, the College Racquet Club offers tennis programs for children and juniors age 5 to 15 as well as clinics for women. It is both an indoor and outdoor facility. They teach all different levels from beginner to tournament level players.
The Director of Tennis, Neil Tarangioli, is Head Coach of the Concordia College tennis team and has been recognized for many years as an outstanding player and coach, including being named Coach of the Year by the Intercollegiate Tennis Association in 1999-2000.
Director of Tennis: Neil Tarangioli
171 White Plains Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-961-3955
Lake Isle
Lake Isle is an Eastchester Town-owned facility that is open to all residents and a limited number of non residents. Town residents are defined as those people whose “permanent and primary domicile is located within Eastchester, Bronxville, or Tuckahoe. “ Along with five swimming pools and an 18-hole golf course, they have eight Har-Tru tennis courts. Fees for non-residents are higher than for residents.
660 White Plains Road
Eastchester, New York 10709
914-961-3453
website
Siwanoy Country Club
Siwanoy is a private country club in Bronxville that offers swimming, tennis, paddle tennis, dining and golf.
Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-3840
website
Village Tennis Courts
Bronxville has public tennis courts located in the heart of town. They offer private and group lessons for adults and children.
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