Max McGrath: The Joys of Hotel Med


Dec. 18, 2013:  Many medical specialists recommend a change of scenery for long-term patients. It creates a break in the routine that is vital to boosting the human spirit.

Following this sound advice, I checked in for ten days to a renowned facility that guarantees rest and relaxation 24/7--Martin Memorial Hospital in Stuart, Florida. This outfit boasts three nutritious meals a day, attendants to assist your every need, always with a smile, and great views of the harbor.

Truthfully, I would have preferred a Club Med excursion; however, age and current lack of enthusiasm for the hedonistic lifestyle eliminated that option.

I did anticipate, however, missing my friends every Wednesday at "Frankenstein health spa" to imbibe in the festivities of dispensing a chemo cocktail directly into my chest. This procedure is always met with an expressive outcry from the participants. There's nothing like having a needle driven into the surgically implanted "port" in your chest to administer the juice. Makes you sit straight up and say "HOWDY."

Chemo plays havoc with your blood count. Mine was so low the doctors found it was something related to a million-year-old lungfish. That's why I went for incarcerated R/R.

I'm going to give you a leg up on what I learned during this forced holiday in case you find yourself someday on this appealing type of rest!

Hide half the stool softeners they issue. They are the devil's brew and create much panic for the "tile" in the middle of the night. Also, the bed sheets and covers have a secret hatred for you and will try to strangle you in the dead of night. Keep an eye out as in a fifth general order.

When you need aid and you employ the call button, respond to the intercom in a precise manner using a serious plea as if you were directing the landings at Normandy. Otherwise, take a nap. It will be an hour before someone appears to ask, "Do you need help." "Yes! That's why I'm turning blue!"

When a nurse is helping you and then declares, "I'm going to get someone to help," that translates into they will be gone for hours, they're late for their yoga class.

Well, nothing is meant to be perfect, including my tongue-in-cheek critique. Most nurses do an unheralded difficult job. My home nurse, Tamara, is fantastic and a gift from above. She should have been a doctor.

With any extensive rest bit such as mine, thoughts of life lived sneak into your mind. The good and bad hang on the wall, particularly for this scoundrel in tough status.

1. I'm grateful for my good friends and extended family. I'd take a bullet willingly to protect these folks. I was blessed to be born American and feel loss when those who provide it are lost. I am thankful for my enemies. It means I stood my ground on my beliefs and opinions without yielding; my footprint is deep. My brother and sister are my family and we are close. There has never been anything that has divided us--success or failure, lying or omissions, theft or greed. Fred always said, "Never let anything come between you and your brother or sister." He would know.

2. I regret in my younger days utilizing my sharp tongue and ready hands. I feel shame for those I hurt, when a kind word may have worked better. Life is lessons and there were many I had to learn. As Betty used to say, "Don't worry, Pete, you'll be fine, you're a late bloomer, that's all."

I ask my 2 1/2 readers to say a prayer for the young and old cancer warriors at this time of year in particular. This plague is out of control and a cure must be found, now! . . .

God bless to B'ville and have a Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah.

Government & History Directory

Bronxville Overview

Bronxville is a quaint village (one square mile) located just 16 miles north of midtown Manhattan (roughly 30 minutes on the train) and has a population of approximately 6,500. It is known as a premier community with an excellent public school (K-12) and easy access to Manhattan. Bronxville offers many amenities including an attractive business district, a hospital (Lawrence Hospital), public paddle and tennis courts, fine dining at local restaurants, two private country clubs and a community library.

While the earliest settlers of Bronxville date back to the first half of the 18th century, the history of the modern suburb of Bronxville began in 1890 when William Van Duzer Lawrence purchased a farm and commissioned the architect, William A. Bates, to design a planned community of houses for well-known artists and professionals that became a thriving art colony. This community, now called Lawrence Park, is listed on the National register of Historic Places and many of the homes still have artists’ studios. A neighborhood association within Lawrence Park called “The Hilltop Association” keeps this heritage alive with art shows and other events for neighbors.

Bronxville offers many charming neighborhoods as well as a variety of living options for residents including single family homes, town houses, cooperatives and condominiums. One of the chief benefits of living in “the village” is that your children can attend the Bronxville School.

The Bronxville postal zone (10708, known as “Bronxville PO”) includes the village of Bronxville as well as the Chester Heights section of Eastchester, parts of Tuckahoe and the Lawrence Park West, Cedar Knolls, Armour Villa and Longvale sections of Yonkers. Many of these areas have their own distinct character. For instance, the Armour Villa section has many historic homes and even has its own newsletter called “The Villa Voice” which reports on neighborhood news.

Bronxville Village Government Directory

Village of Bronxville Administrative Offices
337-6500
Open 9:00am - 4pm excluding holidays and weekends


Bronxville Police Department
337-0500
Open 24 hours


Bronxville Parking Violations
337-2024
Open 9:00am - 4pm excluding holidays and weekends


Bronxville Fire Deparment
793-6400

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