By Peter Clifford

Apr. 1, 2015: Kraft Avenue will soon be your destination for the foundation of a delectable salad. In May a new store called Lettuce Rejoice specializing in a wide variety of that leafy vegetable will be opening just a few doors down from Pure Mountain Olive Oil.

You will be able to step off the train in the evening and within a few minutes and two stops have purchased some delicious extra virgin olive oil, aged balsamic vinegar, and a fresh head of organic lettuce.

How, you might ask, could a store have a viable business selling nothing but lettuce? For the answer to that, we went straight to the owner, Priscilla Korman. "Most grocery store chains only sell a very narrow selection of lettuces. The average person is not aware that there are a huge variety of genus lactuca, as it is known in the botanical world. 

Besides the common ones like chicory, butter, red leaf, and romaine, there are a multitude of other types such as Mottistone, Breen, Jericho, Skyphos, Garden Babies, Speckles, Drunken Woman Frizzy Headed, and my personal favorite, an Austrian heirloom called Flashy Trout Back. And by the way, we will not carry the insipid iceberg, which should only be fed to guinea pigs and rabbits!"

Asked about the origin of her infatuation with lettuce and her thinking behind the store, Priscilla said, "My grandfather had a farm in Suffern, and whenever we went to stay with him as a child, one of my favorite things to do was to get up very early, run out to the vegetable garden, and stick my face right into the cool, dewy lettuce leaves. It was a wonderfully refreshing way to wake up. When my grandfather passed away, I inherited the farm. At that point I was living with my family in Bronxville. When I saw Pure Mountain Olive Oil open on Kraft Avenue, it occurred to me how neat it would be for residents to have a store right nearby where they could have access to amazing, organic greens curated by someone very knowledgeable about each variety who can guide them in making the perfect choice for every occasion. Selecting the right lettuce is often as tricky as choosing the perfect wine. Each lettuce has its own special characteristics that can complement a main course. I remember a friend telling me about an important dinner that was ruined by an overly bitter lettuce."

According to Priscilla, Lettuce Rejoice will also have a Leaf-of-the-Month Club for people who would like to have a different lettuce delivered to their house every month. And she added, "Lettuce also makes a wonderful housewarming present or hostess gift when you are invited over for a meal. People are so tired of getting hand towels and soap. What a wonderful surprise to arrive with a head of delicate Merveille des Quatre Saisons. Just the name alone conveys that this is no ordinary lettuce!"

In order to further connect with the community of Bronxville herbivores, Lettuce Rejoice will be holding weekly cooking classes to show people how they can incorporate lettuce into every meal. In addition, people can subscribe to its email list to receive weekly recipes such as the healthy morning egg wrap using a buttercrunch leaf instead of the usual higher-calorie tortilla. "We are putting an embargo though on kale," Priscilla pointed out. "I am so over that vegetable and sick of seeing it in every restaurant dish. The final straw for me was when a friend told me she recently had a high colonic using kale juice. Enough already!"

Besides lettuce, the only other item the store will carry is a top-of-the line salad dryer made in Switzerland and selling for an eye-popping $499. Asked to justify such an extravagance, Priscilla points out, "Your normal, inexpensive salad spinner uses centrifugal force to press the water off the leaves. This can flatten and damage the lettuce, causing it to appear limp and unappealing. Our electric salad dryer gently turns the leaves and injects cool air into the chamber, similar to a clothes dryer, so that your salad emerges perfectly dry and fluffy."

Happy April Fools' Day!

Photo by A. Warner