By Virgil Roberson, L.P., M. Div., NCPsyA, Executive Director of The Counseling Center
June 26, 2024: In our goal-driven society, making a commitment often involves committing to achieving a specific goal. In this view, you might not commit to the goal until you’ve got a clear idea of what it is and how to reach it, plus the confidence that you can do it.
There’s another way to consider commitment—as a surrendering to a desire, as an opening of oneself to a process. In this view, the path to the goal might not be clear; in fact, the specifics of the goal itself might be uncertain. But the very act of making the commitment sets you toward a place of discovery and fulfillment.
Let’s say you’d like to run a marathon, a daunting task. You decide to reframe the situation: you’ll simply start a training program. You don’t know where it will lead but you make the commitment to train and you start doing it. Soon you find yourself setting specific, short-term goals. Eventually you may find yourself preparing for that marathon. Or maybe not.
Maybe through the process of regular training you realize that running a marathon isn’t for you after all; your desires and commitments are leading you in new directions. It’s all good! You discovered something about yourself and you’re continuing to move forward. All because you made that initial commitment to begin a training program.
Why not take a moment to consider the places in your life where you might make a commitment but hesitate to do so. Is it regarding a relationship? A current or new job? A schedule of exercise? Beginning an art project you’ve long wanted to tackle? Having children or moving to a new town? Often we become naysayers to taking that first step; we stay frozen. Yet the power of committing can open us up to more answers, more possibilities, more potential.
Making a commitment when there’s uncertainty requires courage! But you don’t have to do it alone. A trusted friend or family member can act as a sounding board. A therapist can become a witness and ally, and help you work through the doubts. It’s the therapist’s job not to push you in one direction or another but to accompany you along the way.
Here are some questions to ask yourself as you consider an area of your life that might become open to new possibilities when you make a commitment.
-Can you identify one place where you are fearful of commitment?
-What might be holding you back?
-In contrast, are there areas where you have made a commitment and are living out that process?
-Can you take a moment to give yourself credit for that?
What would it look like if you went all in and made a commitment? You needn’t propose marriage to your girlfriend, but you might begin to discuss a possible future together. You don’t have to put your house on the market, but you might arrange to spend a few days in the “perfect” town where you’ve always wanted to live. Breathe and imagine yourself being fully immersed in this commitment. Does the idea of no longer holding back inspire a feeling of freedom?
Can you name the worst that could happen if you go all in? Let’s say you’d like a new job. You’re not going to jump and accept the first job you’re offered; instead, you’re going to seek out people in fields related to where you work now, or where you might like to work, to ask questions to learn about what’s available, what qualifications are required, what salary and benefits you might expect, etc. Starting the process puts little at risk. It doesn’t box you in. Yet it sets in motion circumstances that can suggest new directions to explore and may bring tentative answers that help you refine your search. Eventually your commitment might even lead you to a place and time where you know exactly where you want to go and how to get there.
Remind yourself that making this kind of commitment still gives you the freedom to make a different choice. For example, in therapy you might commit to exploring some aspect of who you are, or where you’ve come from, only to realize you’re not ready to go there; it feels too uncomfortable and complex. That’s ok! Whether or not you return to this particular exploration at another point in your life, you’ve made that valuable realization because of your initial commitment.
It may seem counterintuitive but by making a commitment without guarantees, you open up possibilities. W.H. Murray, Deputy Leader of the 1951 Scottish Expedition to Climb Mt. Everest said, “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would have never occurred otherwise. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no one could have dreamed would have come their way.”
Murray goes on to quote the German philosopher Goethe: “Whatever you can do/or dream you can/Begin/Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”
Murray ends by saying, “Begin it now.”
By letting go of control and making a choice to commit yourself fully, you can create opportunities rather than staying comfortable with what is familiar but static. There’s more to gain than to lose! Begin it now!
The Counseling Center in Bronxville, a nonprofit organization, offers therapy for individuals, couples, and families, through video platforms, telephonically, and in person. Please feel free to reach out if we can help, by calling Dr. Jennifer Klein, 914 793 3388.
To keep abreast of ongoing information and activities at The Counseling Center, or to make a donation, please visit our website at https://counselingcenter.org/.
The Bereavement Center of Westchester
670 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, New York 10707
(914) 787-6158
Sunrise Senior Living
500 North Columbus Avenue
Mount Vernon, New York 10552
914-667-5660
www.sunriseseniorliving.com
The Osborn
101 Theall Road
Rye, New York 10580
914-921-2200
The Maxwell Institute
The Maxwell Institute of St. Vincent's Westchester offers outpatient chemical dependency treatment and education services for adults, adolescents and their families. Treatment includes individual and group psychotherapy, couples counseling, and psychiatric evaluation and medication management when indicated. The Institute welcomes individuals and family members who are experiencing marital and/or work-related distress as a result of alcoholism and other forms of chemical dependency.
The Maxwell Institute also offers community education services through its programs in drug and alcohol prevention in the schools. For persons wishing to become credentialed alcoholism and substance abuse counselors (CASACS) in New York State, the "Maxtrain" program provides the 350 classroom education hours that are an important part of the credentialing requirements.
The Maxwell Institute is grateful for the support of The Community Fund of Bronxville-Eastchester-Tuckahoe.
92 Yonkers Ave
Tuckahoe, NY 10707
(914) 337-6033
Counseling Center
Founded in 1971, the mission of the Counseling Center “is to provide a wide range of psychotherapeutic and counseling services to individuals, couples and families by a staff of highly trained, experience and dedicated psychotherapists.
Director: Virgil Roberson
The Counseling Center
180 Pondfield Road Bronxville,
New York 10708
914-793-3388
10 Studio Arcade
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-1157
Bronxville Dental Care
Jenny A. Kanganis, D.D.S.
Guy N. Minoli, D.D.S.
Since 1994, Dr. Kanganis and Dr. Minoli of Bronxville Dental Care have been leaders in the dental community, providing exceptional dentistry to generations of Bronxville families. They have a long history of excellence and have earned a reputation built on trust, compassion, and dedication. Drs. Kanganis and Minoli believe in a conservative, holistic, and minimally invasive approach to dentistry. Bronxville Dental Care welcomes patients of all ages and offers a comprehensive range of services, including cosmetic and restorative dentistry, implants, and pediatric dentistry. Dr. Kanganis especially loves treating children. As a mother herself of two recent Bronxville High School grads, she understands the importance of helping children to feel comfortable during their visits, while earning their trust and teaching them to become active participants in their oral health.
20 Studio Arcade
Bronxville, New York 10708
(914) 337-6536
www.bronxvilledentalcare.com
Dr. Anthony Fiore
44 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-3863
Dr. Quentin M. Murphy
77 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-1004
Scarsdale Pediatric Dental
777 Post Rd.
Scarsdale, NY 10583-5000
Phone: 914. 472. 9090
http://www.scarsdalepediatricdental.com/
Dr. Michael J. Vitale
1 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-8430
Dr. Lesa Kelly
77 Quaker Ridge Road
New Rochelle, New York
914-637-2663
Dr. Neil Goldberg
77 Pondfield Road Ste 2
Bronxville, New York 10708
Dr. Mark Fox
ENT and Allergy Associates
1 Elm Street
Tuckahoe, New York 10707
Lawrence Home Care of Westchester
670 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, NY 10707
(914) 787-6158
www.lawrencehomecare.org
Jansen Hospice and Pallative Care
670 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, New York 10583
(914) 787-6158
NewYork-Presbyterian Westchester
NewYork-Presbyterian Westchester provides access to primary care physicians and specialists from ColumbiaDoctors, the faculty practice Columbia University Irving Medical Center and NewYork-Presbyterian Medical Group Westchester.
The hospital includes a cancer center, maternity center, breast health center, two cardiac catheterization labs, and a state-designated Stroke Center.
55 Palmer Avenue in Bronxville
914-787-1000 Main
Dr. Anne Galloway
77 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-4986
Dr. Kerrianne Page
14 Studio Arcade
914-779-9066
Dr. Raymond Chow
700 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, New York
Dr. Polly Kanganis
4 Studio Arcade, Bronxville, NY 10708
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-771-9441
Dr. Thomas J. Rubeo Jr. MD
Bronxville Women's Care, Pllc
One Pondfield Road, Suite 302
Bronxville, NY 10708
Dr. Patricia Halloran
55 Park Avenue
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-1239
Dr. Joseph Ciccio
1 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
Dr. Peter Rizzo
77 Pondfield Road
914-337-1118
Dr. Michael Elia
1 Stone Place
Bronxville, New York 10708
Westchester Health Pediatrics (formerly Children’s Medical Practice of Bronxville)
1 Elm Street
Tuckahoe, New York 10707
914-337-7474
Scarsdale Pediatric Associates
2 Overhill Road Suite 220
Scarsdale, New York 10580
914-725-0800
Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine
495 Central Avenue
Scarsdale, New York