Saying “No” to Others Can Mean Saying “Yes” to Yourself
By Jennifer Jordan, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, The Counseling Center
Jan. 10, 2023" Do you have a hard time saying “no”? Like many of us, you might be uncomfortable letting others down. When someone asks for your time, help, money or expertise, a reflex to please can take over. And before you know it, you are running that event, serving on that committee, taking on that extra work project. Perhaps flattered, perhaps conflict avoidant, you find yourself changing your plans, hosting, lending money, coaching, carpooling, or committing to an activity that doesn’t meet your needs, schedule, or budget.
The problem is, with endless requests—and they are endless!--you can wind up feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and taken for granted. Things that matter most to you can suffer. You may even find yourself resenting the very people you were hoping to please.
Being assertive and setting boundaries can help. Ask for time “to think about it.” Identify your priorities and weigh each new request according to how closely it aligns with your goals, how much time and energy you have, and how much satisfaction you expect the activity to bring. When you do need to say no, you don’t need to explain; you’ll have a clear understanding of why you’re making that choice. And the commitments you do take on will be much more meaningful and rewarding.
Still, for people determined not to disappoint others, these self-advocacy skills can be hard. You might feel you’re not living up to others’ expectations, or even up to your own expectations. You may see peers stepping up, and feel you’ve failed if you don’t do the same. People-pleasing tendencies usually start in childhood as a way to avoid criticism and feel safe and loved. In adulthood, saying “no” to another’s agenda can still bring on negative feelings like guilt and shame.
So next time you want to say “no” but are having trouble, flip the script with a positive reframe and focus on what you are saying “yes” to instead:
-YES to much-needed rest.
-YES to precious time protected for your partner, family, friends, or faith.
-YES to commitments toward fitness, schoolwork, home projects, healthy cooking.
-YES to activities that are more fulfilling for you.
-YES to money saved for experiences or purchases you prioritize.
-YES to less stress and being more present and intentional in your life.
When you value your own needs, goals, priorities, and health, you learn to say “yes” to saying “no.” The reward can be greater satisfaction and overall well-being. You will radiate this to others, giving back in the best sense possible.
The Counseling Center in Bronxville offers therapy for individuals, couples, and families, both in person and through telehealth (online or by phone). Please feel free to reach out if we can help, by calling Dr. Jennifer Klein, 914 793, 3388. For more information on The Counseling Center, please visit our website at https://counselingcenter.org/.
Health Directory
The Bereavement Center of Westchester
670 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, New York 10707
(914) 787-6158
Sunrise Senior Living
500 North Columbus Avenue
Mount Vernon, New York 10552
914-667-5660
www.sunriseseniorliving.com
The Osborn
101 Theall Road
Rye, New York 10580
914-921-2200
The Maxwell Institute
The Maxwell Institute of St. Vincent's Westchester offers outpatient chemical dependency treatment and education services for adults, adolescents and their families. Treatment includes individual and group psychotherapy, couples counseling, and psychiatric evaluation and medication management when indicated. The Institute welcomes individuals and family members who are experiencing marital and/or work-related distress as a result of alcoholism and other forms of chemical dependency.
The Maxwell Institute also offers community education services through its programs in drug and alcohol prevention in the schools. For persons wishing to become credentialed alcoholism and substance abuse counselors (CASACS) in New York State, the "Maxtrain" program provides the 350 classroom education hours that are an important part of the credentialing requirements.
The Maxwell Institute is grateful for the support of The Community Fund of Bronxville-Eastchester-Tuckahoe.
92 Yonkers Ave
Tuckahoe, NY 10707
(914) 337-6033
Counseling Center
Founded in 1971, the mission of the Counseling Center “is to provide a wide range of psychotherapeutic and counseling services to individuals, couples and families by a staff of highly trained, experience and dedicated psychotherapists.
Director: Virgil Roberson
The Counseling Center
180 Pondfield Road Bronxville,
New York 10708
914-793-3388
10 Studio Arcade
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-1157
Bronxville Dental Care
Jenny A. Kanganis, D.D.S.
Guy N. Minoli, D.D.S.
Since 1994, Dr. Kanganis and Dr. Minoli of Bronxville Dental Care have been leaders in the dental community, providing exceptional dentistry to generations of Bronxville families. They have a long history of excellence and have earned a reputation built on trust, compassion, and dedication. Drs. Kanganis and Minoli believe in a conservative, holistic, and minimally invasive approach to dentistry. Bronxville Dental Care welcomes patients of all ages and offers a comprehensive range of services, including cosmetic and restorative dentistry, implants, and pediatric dentistry. Dr. Kanganis especially loves treating children. As a mother herself of two recent Bronxville High School grads, she understands the importance of helping children to feel comfortable during their visits, while earning their trust and teaching them to become active participants in their oral health.
20 Studio Arcade
Bronxville, New York 10708
(914) 337-6536
www.bronxvilledentalcare.com
Dr. Anthony Fiore
44 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-3863
Dr. Quentin M. Murphy
77 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-1004
Scarsdale Pediatric Dental
777 Post Rd.
Scarsdale, NY 10583-5000
Phone: 914. 472. 9090
http://www.scarsdalepediatricdental.com/
Dr. Michael J. Vitale
1 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-8430
Dr. Lesa Kelly
77 Quaker Ridge Road
New Rochelle, New York
914-637-2663
Dr. Neil Goldberg
77 Pondfield Road Ste 2
Bronxville, New York 10708
Dr. Mark Fox
ENT and Allergy Associates
1 Elm Street
Tuckahoe, New York 10707
Lawrence Home Care of Westchester
670 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, NY 10707
(914) 787-6158
www.lawrencehomecare.org
Jansen Hospice and Pallative Care
670 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, New York 10583
(914) 787-6158
NewYork-Presbyterian Westchester
NewYork-Presbyterian Westchester provides access to primary care physicians and specialists from ColumbiaDoctors, the faculty practice Columbia University Irving Medical Center and NewYork-Presbyterian Medical Group Westchester.
The hospital includes a cancer center, maternity center, breast health center, two cardiac catheterization labs, and a state-designated Stroke Center.
55 Palmer Avenue in Bronxville
914-787-1000 Main
Dr. Anne Galloway
77 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-4986
Dr. Kerrianne Page
14 Studio Arcade
914-779-9066
Dr. Raymond Chow
700 White Plains Road
Scarsdale, New York
Dr. Polly Kanganis
4 Studio Arcade, Bronxville, NY 10708
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-771-9441
Dr. Thomas J. Rubeo Jr. MD
Bronxville Women's Care, Pllc
One Pondfield Road, Suite 302
Bronxville, NY 10708
Dr. Patricia Halloran
55 Park Avenue
Bronxville, New York 10708
914-337-1239
Dr. Joseph Ciccio
1 Pondfield Road
Bronxville, New York 10708
Dr. Peter Rizzo
77 Pondfield Road
914-337-1118
Dr. Michael Elia
1 Stone Place
Bronxville, New York 10708
Westchester Health Pediatrics (formerly Children’s Medical Practice of Bronxville)
1 Elm Street
Tuckahoe, New York 10707
914-337-7474
Scarsdale Pediatric Associates
2 Overhill Road Suite 220
Scarsdale, New York 10580
914-725-0800
Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine
495 Central Avenue
Scarsdale, New York
Health Recent Articles
Quick Links
Newsletter
MyhometownBroxnville reserves the right to monitor and remove all comments. For more information on Posting Rules, please review our Rules and Terms of Use, both of which govern the use and access of this site. Thank you.
The information presented here is for informational purposes only. While every effort has been made to present accurate information, myhometownBronxville, LLC, does not in any way accept responsibility for the accuracy of or consequences from the use of this information herein. We urge all users to independently confirm any information provided herein and consult with an appropriate professional concerning any material issue of fact or law. The views and opinions expressed by the writers, event organizers and advertisers do not necessarily represent those of myhometownBronxville, LLC, its officers, staff or contributors. The use of this website is governed by the Terms of Use . No portion of this publication may be reproduced or redistributed, either in whole or part, without the express written consent of the publisher.
Copyright © 2009 myhometownbronxville.com, All rights reserved.